Posted originally on my www.screened.com blog. Screened Name: Tintallin
So, do you really think I give a crap if you like my work, my movies? Do you? Maybe, maybe not. Let's put that in context shall we.
Let's start with this (not shameless self-promotion this time, but putting it in context): http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1599107/
That's my link to my imdb.com page and in my message board is a thread called "Cool Bada$$." Pretty cool, huh? That's what you want to hear, someone calling you cool and a Bad A$$. But someone always has to spoil the pudding. Always. Let's get this clear up front and I speak from experience. No one is universally liked. If you try to do something great, no matter what it is, Actor or Ditch Digger, you're going to piss someone off. Period.
The same can go for films. I have prided myself on the films I've made. Frankly, none of the films I've made have broken the $270,000 budget. That was the biggest and it was "Dance of the Dead." You want to know what's cool? Please, take this in context and I'm not looking for sympathy. I was at the hospital on Friday and took my mother off of life support. She died peacefully and I have faith that she is in Heaven. That does not make it less of a bummer or my mourning less, but I had to leave the hospital and go to Walmart as I needed a pair of black pants for the funeral. I ruined mine, you guessed it, shooting a film. What happened in Walmart? God and his mysterious ways. For the first time ever, someone recognized me, not as an old friend or classmate, heck, I didn't even attend school in this county, but as an Actor. It was a girl about 14 years old and she chased me across the store and asked for my autograph. Breathlessly. "You're that actor! You're Gravedigger! You're James Jarrett!"
I smiled. Thank you, God. You know the right spot to hit at the right time.
But still, that is it for me. I'm not some big Hollywood actor though I know some. I've posted on who they are before but won't right now. I've had the pleasure of working with some pretty cool people. But no matter who is in a picture or who the actors are, someone is not going to like it. Fine. Not everyone likes spinach, cherries or women. Men for that matter. They are all a matter of taste.
But. BUT! Don't get pissed at me when I tell you your opinion is useless when you tell me my movie is "Stupid!" My response? "Please qualify that statement." Hey, if it was really stupid, I want to know why. If it is dumb, please enlighten me. If it "sucked", I'm all ears. BUT! "Well, it was just stupid, that's all" will get you a mouthful from me.
"Wait, you said it was stupid, but you can't explain it? You're an idiot!" That's me on a good day. Hell, that's me on a great day! Pray for a great day.
My reasoning is simple. A few reasons really. They shouldn't be that hard to understand.
1. I do this for me. Period. It is my dream. It is my passion. It is all I want to do. Act. Be an Actor. Be in front of that camera and love it. It makes my heart beat faster in anticipation and it is better than apple pie. Without it, my life would be completely empty. For the years I walked away from acting, I was miserable. I'm back and I love my life again. It is hard to love others when you hate what you've become. Been there, done that. So yeah, I do it for me. You should try it.
2. I do it for my family. If I make a ton of money, they benefit. Cool. If I am miserable, they are miserable. Uncool. And this is something we do together. My youngest daughter was drafted, not volunteered, drafted, into drama club at school. She's never acted in her life, but she was placed in advanced drama next year without ever having taken basic drama. My oldest is considering a professional acting career. I'm tickled pink for both of them. Let's hear it for being in the blood. My wife? She just supports me unconditionally. What more could a guy ask for?
3. I do it for you. Sorry, but you don't make the top of the list. You come in at a close third though. Why? Simple. The first two reasons should make sense. If I'm in the right place and my family is in the right place, I can make at least a decent movie for you to enjoy. It isn't rocket science. It's film making. And without you, fans, movie goers, whatever you call yourself, it is still art and it is still important, but it lacks that luster if you don't go and watch it and love it or hate it passionately.
And that's where this blog comes into play. Do I care if you love my movie or me as an actor? Yes and no. Do I care if you hate my movie or me as an actor? Yes and no. Why?
Because "That was stupid" or "You are stupid" just isn't good enough for me. Why do you love or hate me? What could I have done better? What did I do well? Why was I great? Why did I suck? Why? What? When? Whatever?
I just want to know if you're willing to tell me. If I don't know, how can I get better? How can I do a better job next time? How can I break that Hollywood mold of rehashing old crap over and over again and come up with something new and original?
My dreams are numerous, big and scary. I am putting together a business plan to start a motion picture studio in Georgia for Independent Feature Films. I am striving to be a recognized (note I did not say famous or A-List) Actor. I am working towards the dream, now a goal, of working full time in films. But at the age of 41, having only done this for 9 years professionally, I am still a baby in the business with a lot to learn.
And I learn that from you. Honest opinions, sometimes gently put as I do have an Actor's ego (all Actor's do), are a treasure. It helps me do better next time. I don't have low self esteem and don't need drugs or alcohol to boost me up. I do get down and I have my ups, but I'm just like you. And I want more! MORE! Better than I have now and I'm willing to work for it.
So, do I care what you think? Well, to be honest, I'll take it on a case by case basis depending on what comes out of your mouth. After all, I can listen to advice all day long, but I don't have to take it. Just like you.
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